black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

Emo Philips

People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
EMO PHILIPS

Concern Myself People Reproduction
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
EMO PHILIPS

Class Limitation Move Myself Reason
All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
EMO PHILIPS

Earth Hate Live Nation Peace Prejudice Reality Reason Togetherness
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
EMO PHILIPS

Death Last Remember Word
When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.
EMO PHILIPS

Coffee Morning Myself Start Try Wake Up
Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.
EMO PHILIPS

Drive Interview Myself Page Strange
I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
EMO PHILIPS

Best Horror Myself Possible Teaching Thinking Way
I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I’d got out.
EMO PHILIPS

Bed Best Friendship Myself Wife
The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you’ll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you’ve been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.
EMO PHILIPS

Difference Make Up Myself Notice Pay Return
New York’s such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, “I’d like a card.” He says, “You have to prove you’re a citizen of New York.” So I stabbed him.
EMO PHILIPS

Evidence Himself Library Myself Rude Wonderful
Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
EMO PHILIPS

Drop Food Funny Myself Relationship Spoon
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
EMO PHILIPS

Heart Myself Old Place Time Woman
I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like.
EMO PHILIPS

Friendship Myself Surgery
My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
EMO PHILIPS

Excitement Myself Parents Protection Road Street
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
EMO PHILIPS

Mom Often Quite Sex Sister
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
EMO PHILIPS

Caress Head Myself Night Respond

My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Emo Philips Quotes