The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
EMO PHILIPS
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
EMO PHILIPS -
I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
EMO PHILIPS -
I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
EMO PHILIPS -
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn’t I see you on television? I said, I don’t know. You can’t see out the other way.
EMO PHILIPS -
They have a sign at the beach, “no glass bottles”. I think that’s so the other sand particles don’t feel like underachievers.
EMO PHILIPS -
I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
EMO PHILIPS -
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
EMO PHILIPS -
Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
EMO PHILIPS -
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
EMO PHILIPS -
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
EMO PHILIPS -
People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
EMO PHILIPS -
I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
EMO PHILIPS -
Now there’s a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
EMO PHILIPS