The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
EMO PHILIPS
I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
EMO PHILIPS -
The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you’ll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you’ve been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
EMO PHILIPS -
All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
EMO PHILIPS -
My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn’t I see you on television? I said, I don’t know. You can’t see out the other way.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
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Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I’d got out.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
EMO PHILIPS