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I’m Irish. We think sideways.

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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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