In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGANI’m Irish. We think sideways.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN