All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
NORM MACDONALDThough you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
NORM MACDONALD