The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
NORM MACDONALDIgnorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
NORM MACDONALD






