I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGANRender any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN