“Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.”

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

I know that I am mortal and the creature of a day; but when I search out the massed wheeling circles of the stars, my feet no longer touch the earth, but, side by side with Zeus himself, I take my fill of ambrosia, the food of the gods.

There the wild animals wandered and fed as though they were in a pasture that stretched much farther than a man could see, and there were no settlers. Only Indians lived there.

Luxury lives in the finer details. It’s a cloth napkin at a dinner table. It’s a mint on your pillow before bed.

I no longer take pleasure in perishable food or in the delights of this world. I want only God’s bread, which is the Flesh of Jesus Christ, formed of the seed of David, and for drink I crave His Blood which is love that cannot perish.

As you get older, you find that often the wheat, disentangling itself from the chaff, comes out to meet you.

Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert.

Very well, I will marry you if you promise not to make me eat eggplant.

Whatever will satisfy one’s. Hunger is the real food.