Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGANChopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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In the human race today, you came last.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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I told you I was sick.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN