We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGANChopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN