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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Food Funny Myself Service Time
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself

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