If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGANThis silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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I told you I was sick.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN