My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGANIn the human race today, you came last.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I told you I was sick.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGAN