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In the human race today, you came last.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Age Confusion Father Myself Name
I told you I was sick.
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Myself One Liner Sick
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Listening Myself Pain Talk
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Occasion Protection
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Connection Funny God Himself Light Wait
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Death Himself Man
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Class Expectation Morning Yourself
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Death Hope Myself Sing Yourself
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Sea Sick Tree
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Myself Talk
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Born Death Myself People
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Clothes Order Perfection Work
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Enough Food Politics
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Father Greatness Himself Inspirational Mad
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Blessing Deep Hard Time Light Perspective Philosophy

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