Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGANBlessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
SPIKE MILLIGAN