I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGANBlessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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I told you I was sick.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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In the human race today, you came last.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN