If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARXIf you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX