The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLINBy and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLIN -
With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN