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All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance.

Will Rogers

I never met a man I didn’t like.
WILL ROGERS

Man Meet never One Liner
The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
WILL ROGERS

Admit Observe Party Politics Worse
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
WILL ROGERS

Government Pay Thankful
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
WILL ROGERS

Inspirational Right Sit Track
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
WILL ROGERS

Change Comedy People Politics Serious
Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.
WILL ROGERS

Buy Gamble Save Sell Stock Market
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
WILL ROGERS

Joke Pratical Trouble
The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.
WILL ROGERS

Country Office Politics
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn’t still be a farmer.
WILL ROGERS

Farmer Optimistic
Buy land. They ain’t making any more of the stuff.
WILL ROGERS

Buy Land Stuff
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
WILL ROGERS

Civilization Learning Recognize Rights True
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
WILL ROGERS

Funny Humor Theory Woman
The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.
WILL ROGERS

Man Mistake never Tired
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
WILL ROGERS

Finding Life Rush Save Time
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
WILL ROGERS

Clean Country Mind Need
Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans.
WILL ROGERS

Politics Reason Vote
Common sense ain’t common.
WILL ROGERS

Common Sense Funny One Liner
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
WILL ROGERS

Birthday Experience Old Wait Worth
People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument.
WILL ROGERS

Argument Change Mind Observation People
If there are no dogs on Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.
WILL ROGERS

Die Dog Heaven Want
Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
WILL ROGERS

Debt Due never Pay Worry
It is awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.
WILL ROGERS

Awful Corruption Interest People
Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.
WILL ROGERS

Buy Earn Human Nature Impress Money People
You must judge a man’s greatness by how much he will be missed.
WILL ROGERS

Greatness Judgment Man Missing
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
WILL ROGERS

Death Grandfather Peace Scream Sleep
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ‘How is the president?’
WILL ROGERS

Country Job Morning President
A fool and his money are soon elected.
WILL ROGERS

Fools Money

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance.

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All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance.

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