The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDSWhen you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS