black
grey
blue
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brown
white

When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.

W. C. Fields

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong

When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.

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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.

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