I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDSI drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDSReality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDSIf at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDSChildren should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDSWas I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDSI used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDSI never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDSA rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDSWouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDSPhiladelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDSIt’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDSSome things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDSIf pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDSThe laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDSI like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDSDuring one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS