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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

W. C. Fields

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

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