Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDSSome things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDSThe nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDSI certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDSDrat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDSIf it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDSA rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDSI drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDSI never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDSI never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDSMy illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDSMarry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDSMy main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDSYes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDSIf it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS