The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDSThe world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDSI only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDSAh, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDSI never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDSI have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDSThe laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDSPrayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDSThe only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDSIf it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDSWouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDSNow don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDSYou can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDSTake me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDSThis job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDSI personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS