A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDSThere’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS -
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS -
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS -
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS -
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS -
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS -
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS -
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS