I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDSThere’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS -
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS -
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS






