The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDSThere’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS






