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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

W. C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

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