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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Tim Allen

I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
TIM ALLEN

Beginning Comedy Hard Work Hold Stand Thinking
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
TIM ALLEN

Alive Lawn Maintainence Man Reason
Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
TIM ALLEN

Children Learning Myself Respect
Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
TIM ALLEN

Action Man Willing Woman Work
I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
TIM ALLEN

Environment Man Myself Spoil
Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLEN

Hands Listening Story
My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLEN

Death Father Foundation Nature Reminder
The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLEN

Best Busy Children Ego
I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLEN

Body Character Man Myself Trap
I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
TIM ALLEN

Charity Enjoyment Phenomenal Project Result
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
TIM ALLEN

Alone Crow Encouragement Man Substitute Support Thinking
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN

Death Dog Food Leaving
Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
TIM ALLEN

Alone Disgust Leaving Ourselves Paint Time
I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
TIM ALLEN

Artist Creativity Design Graphics
I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
TIM ALLEN

Consider Funny Phone Technology
I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLEN

Clarify Funny Memories Myself

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

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