Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
TIM ALLENMy mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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