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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

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Money Thinking Worth Yourself

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Popular Authors

Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Dog Himself Myself Return
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Hairs Himself Mirror Reflection See
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Memories Photograph Yourself
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Children Myself Quick Toy
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHT

Call Herself Home Light Myself Phone Woman
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appearance Different Fingers Hands
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forget Funny Myself
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Alcohol Myself Photograph Thinking Woman
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Control Death Game Yourself
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Car Funny Yourself
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Memories Myself Past Thinking
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bad Conscience Memories
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Buy Fame Friendship Herself Popular Toy
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT

Better Doctor Myself Pay Right Work Yourself
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Funny Herself Laughter Milk
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fantasy Himself Stop Weapon

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