How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT






