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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

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Money Thinking Worth Yourself

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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Funny Mad Music Myself Night Play
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Money Thinking Worth Yourself
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Believe Funny Himself Man Stars Touch
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Abandonment Book Build Funny Myself Ocean Yourself
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Children Funny Hands Himself Mom
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Book Funny Myself Writing
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Company Game Myself Thinking Wrong
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Death Myself Quote Right Talk Word
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Better Doctor Myself Pay Right Work Yourself
Clones are people two.
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One Liner People
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Country Funny Nation People
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Future One Liner Planning
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Appearance Different Fingers Hands
Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Remember Self Love Unique Worth Yourself

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