Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT