When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHTConsciousness: That annoying time between naps.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Clones are people two.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT






