Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT






