When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT -
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT