The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT