My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT