The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT