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How come abbreviated is such a long word?

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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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