If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHTHow come abbreviated is such a long word?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT