Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT