You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHTShin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHTI wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHTI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHTEveryone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHTI went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHTEverywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT