I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHTI got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHTI went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHTTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHTI wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHTConsciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHTI installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHTI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHTDepression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHTEverywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTI went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHTRight now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHTSupport bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT