All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT