If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHTOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHTI just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHTI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHTI installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHTThe older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHTSome friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHTTell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHTPlan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHTImagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHTI was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT