I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT