On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Clones are people two.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT






