If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHTI went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHTSomeone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHTOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTI just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHTI put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHTI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT