The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT