To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT