Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGANI’m Irish. We think sideways.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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In the human race today, you came last.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






