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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.

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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Sea Sick Tree
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Blessing Deep Hard Time Light Perspective Philosophy
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Form Happiness Misery Money Yourself
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Case Lost Number
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Chance Happiness Money Myself
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Class Expectation Morning Yourself
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Born Death Myself People
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Death Far Laughter Live Time
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Food Invention Reason
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Listening Myself Pain Talk
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Come Myself Quiet
A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Knowledge Learning One Liner Wisdom
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Age Body Myself Time
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Beautiful Eyes

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