How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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I told you I was sick.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGAN