Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN