Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGANRender any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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I told you I was sick.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN