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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.

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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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