Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGANListen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN