To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGANListen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGAN






