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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Spike Milligan

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Evidence Friendship Hands Myself
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Food Invention Reason
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Better Class Enemy Friendship Money Yourself
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Chance Happiness Money Myself
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Father Greatness Himself Inspirational Mad
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Born Death Myself People
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Myself Plant Return
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Occasion Protection
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Worth
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Escape Eyes Loud Silence Work Yourself
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Hope Myself Sing Yourself
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Farm Hands Himself Wife
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky
In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Human Race Yourself
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Connection Funny God Himself Light Wait

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

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