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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

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Appearance Funny Myself Time

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Myself Talk
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Animal Education Funny Start
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Death Himself Man
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Food Invention Reason
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Age Confusion Father Myself Name
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Animal Worth
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Death Eat Hungry Myself
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Evidence Friendship Hands Myself
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Death Myself Plant Return
I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Identity Myself One Liner Thinking
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Father Greatness Himself Inspirational Mad
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Joke Laughter Myself Sing
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Beautiful Eyes

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