Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGANHow long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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