I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.
RON WHITEEverybody I know is a joke writer.
More Ron White Quotes
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My show is more storytelling now than it’s ever been. It’s what I’m good at.
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A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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I do live like a rock star, but it’s not as great as it sounds. It’s a lot of traveling.
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Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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I’m set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it’s easy.
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There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
RON WHITE