Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD