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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Ask Birth Boy Control One Poster Year
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Acting Del Delicate Mask Put Very
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Already Always Eye Garbage Keep Me Rid She Told Try Wife
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Frink Last Much Olive Sample Time Too
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Everything Marriage Room Sepaetae Sleep Together Vacation
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Attack Control Girl Last Myself Night Save
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Come Door Life Met Negligee Night Other Sexy Unfortunately
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Father Finger Kidnap More Piece Proof Remember Sent Time Want
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bartender Beat God Make Me Ugly Yeah Zombie
Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bowl Just Life Pit
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Happy Met Twenty Wife Year

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