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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up

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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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Bartender Beat God Make Me Ugly Yeah Zombie
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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