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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up

Bagwalas

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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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