It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD