My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD