My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD