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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Calendar Day Get Jealous Look May Other Ridiculous Want Wife
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Get Honest No Politician Respect Run
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Father Finger Kidnap More Piece Proof Remember Sent Time Want
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Arm Bone Dog Favorite My
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Born I Morning Mother Sickness
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bee Butcher Kid Told Wife
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Broke Game Hockey Night Other Out Went
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Asleep Blind Day Face Kid Library Man One Pimple Plenty Raed Wake
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Born Doctor Mother Slap Ugly
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Always Found Kid Move Parent
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Interrupt Spoken Wife Year
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Dog Family Found Look Three Tree
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage

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