I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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