I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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