This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD