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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken

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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Already Always Eye Garbage Keep Me Rid She Told Try Wife
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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