I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMen who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDSome dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDActing deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDAt twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDA girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDLife is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD