I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






