I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThe way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMen who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOne year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDLife is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWith my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDActing deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD