Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDActing deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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