With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD