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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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