Humour Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Humour with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Humour quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bagpipe Crack Hook Humour People Play
Love was a country he knew nothing about.
JAMES BALDWIN

Country Humour Love One Liner
There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.
SYLVIA PLATH

Friendship Humour Old
To be awake is to be alive. I have never yet met a man who was quite awake.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Alive Awake Humour Man Quiet
Any fool can make a rule And any fool will mind it.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Fool Humour Law Mind One Liner Rules
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Dance Family Funny Humour Rid Skeleton
Sex is like nose picking. It’s fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it’s disgusting watching someone else doing it.
ROALD DAHL

Disguise Humour Nose Practice Sex Watch Yourself
I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN

Humour Owned Science Telescope
Is there another word for synonym?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Synonym
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX

Father Funny Humour Plastic Surgeon Surgeon Women
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
MAE WEST

Carrot Diamond Diet Humour Interest Number Worry
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX

Elephant Funny Humour Morning Pajama
Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.
STEPHEN KING

Angry Humour Make Up
I had no idea what was going on but I loved every moment of it!! Tokyo’s restaurant game is next level hotness.
WILL SMITH

Funny Hot Humour Ideas Moments Restaurant
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Alcohol Amendment Bear Funny Humour
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Life Money
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN

Crappy Day Funny Human Nature Humour People
One cannot do humour without a great sympathy for one’s fellow man.
CHARLIE CHAPLIN

Humour Man Support Sympathy
If you catch me saying ‘I am a serious actor,’ I beg you to slap me.
JOHNNY DEPP

Actor Catch Humour Serious Slap
Meow means woof in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN

Animal Cat Humour One Liner Woof
If your barber don’t have a colonoscopy special, then he ain’t a real one.
WILL SMITH

Baarber Humour
I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.
ROALD DAHL

Annoy Children Deliberate Grow Up Humour Understand
While they were saying it couldn’t be done, it was done.
HELEN KELLER

Done Humour Inspirational Life One Liner
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLIN

Blink Cat Hammer Humour One Liner
Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It’s made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!
ROALD DAHL

Breakfast Food Humour Pencil
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Snoking Swimming
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX

Huff Humour Leave

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