“The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.”

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

Good people end up in Hell because they can’t forgive themselves.

Sometimes the mask we wear is simply just a smile.

Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.

Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly.

Poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

There’s a world out there. Open a window, and it’s there.

When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

Don’t associate yourself with toxic people. It’s better to be alone and love yourself than surrounded by people that make you hate yourself.

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person.

But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.

Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, ‘Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.’

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.

If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.

There’s nothing in the world like that first taste of beer.

When I sell liquor, it’s bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it’s hospitality.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait”.

I never diet. I smoke. I drink now and then. I never work out.

Champagne is the one thing that gives me zest when I am tired.

I learned early to drink beer, wine and whiskey. And I think I was about 5 when I first chewed tobacco.

There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.

Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world.