“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”

I love kids, but they are a tough audience.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

My favorite thing to do is ride a bicycle. I ride road bikes. And for me, it’s mobile meditation.

After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

Sucking the marrow out of life doesn’t mean choking on the bone.

I wonder what chairs think about all day: “Oh, here comes another asshole

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

For a while you get mad, then you get over it.

I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence.

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.

But if there’s love, dear – those are the ties that bind, and you’ll have a family in your heart, forever.

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race.

Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them.

You need a touch of madness, just enough that you don’t become stupid!

Science is warning us that if we do not quickly reduce the global warming pollution that is trapping so much of the heat our planet normally radiates back out of the atmosphere, we are in danger of creating a permanent ‘carbon summer’.

It is just human nature to take time to connect the dots, I know that. But I also know that there can be a day of reckoning when you wish you had connected the dots more quickly.

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.

From the Leaves, and Downs, and Beards of Plants, we come at last to the Seeds; and here indeed seems to be the Cabinet of Nature, wherein are laid up its Jewels.”

Spring is poetry poured into nature.

Our true nature is like a precious jewel: although it may be temporarily buried in mud, it remains completely brilliant and unaffected. We simply have to uncover it.

I am by nature a dealer in words, and words are the most powerful drug known to humanity.

I consider nature a vast chemical laboratory in which all kinds of composition and decompositions are formed.