“I love kids, but they are a tough audience.”

She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other.

Gentlemen, haven’t we learned anything from the music of John Lennon? All we need is love.

If heaven exists, to know that there’s laughs, that would be a great thing.

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

Good people end up in Hell because they can’t forgive themselves.

Sometimes the mask we wear is simply just a smile.

Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.

Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly.

Poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

There’s a world out there. Open a window, and it’s there.

When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

Don’t associate yourself with toxic people. It’s better to be alone and love yourself than surrounded by people that make you hate yourself.

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person.

But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.

Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, ‘Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.’