Funny Quotes
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said ‘I hear music,’ as though there’s any other way to take it in. ‘You’re not special. That’s how I receive it too, I tried to taste it, but it did not work’.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I m having kids so that one can be a billionaire and imma steal all there shit.
Jake PaulJake Paul What a funny world we live in people live their days in pursuit of filling their hands with things only to depart this life empty handed.
AstaAsta A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx If I keep going to the farm, there won’t be any strawberry left for the market
MS DhoniMS Dhoni There are two types of people in the world, those who say ‘there are two types of people in the world’ and those who don’t.
Gloria SteinemGloria Steinem The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Erma BombeckErma Bombeck Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
Erma BombeckErma Bombeck It’s a scientific fact that if you stay in California you lose one point of your IQ every year.
Truman CapoteTruman Capote Don’t be a salad, be the best damn broccoli you could ever be.
PewDiePiePewDiePie I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
Lily TomlinLily Tomlin A guy walks into a psychologist’s convention with a banana in his pocket.When asked about the significance of this he says;well,they were all out of grapes.
Bob NewhartBob Newhart I’m very scared to do it. What if I don’t come back? With the whole light-years thing, what if I come back 10,000 years later, and everyone I know is dead? I’ll be like, ‘Great. Now I have to start all over’.
Paris HiltonParis Hilton Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
Samuel JohnsonSamuel Johnson But the paparazzi are quite malicious and vocal and really rude, … And they camped outside of my house, so I started throwing eggs at them, lobbing them at rocks next to them.
Heath LedgerHeath Ledger Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I’m throwing a Frisbee.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg